Not that long ago, while driving from a work meeting and rushing to get to a class, I flew into the parking lot, bolted out of the car and sprinted into the building where my class was already in progress. Still out of breath, I found the only space available in the corner of the room and put down my mat. Yep… late for yoga. As I sat on the floor, I thought to myself, “I need to hurry up and relax. I only have 50 minutes.” Hurry up and relax? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Just this week, while coming out of a local store, I saw a friend just ahead of me and called out her name. She turned in my direction, a bit startled, but kept walking sideways and then backwards towards her next destination. “I’m so busy, crazy busy,” she said breathlessly. “There’s so much going on”. Then jogging towards the entrance to another store she shouted back, “How are you?” But didn’t wait for my response.
Ever feel like your speeding down life’s highway rushing from one thing to the next? Feeling overwhelmed or over booked? Wondering when things will slow down?
Almost everyone I know is busy and the word itself is starting to feel a bit overrated. So, what do we actually mean when we tell someone we are really busy?
According to New York Times writer Tim Kreider, busy has become the default response we get when we ask someone how they are doing. In his article, The ‘Busy’ Trap, Kreider raises some relevant questions. Do we really want to live like this or is it something we collectively force one another to do? And when we complain about how busy and overbooked we are is this really a boast disguised as a complaint? And how often have you heard someone respond by saying, “That’s a great problem to have” or “It’s certainly better than the opposite.”
So, who are these people who are always so busy? Well, clearly it’s not those who are pulling back-to- back shifts at work or holding down several jobs just to get by. These people are tired and exhausted, plain and simple. It’s generally those of us who choose busyness voluntarily. Our self-imposed busyness shows up as we take on more work and family obligations, schedule classes and activities, or volunteer– to help out in our communities. We pack our calendars with non-stop activities, leaving little time to rest and reflect. Our kids are even overbooked, with classes and extracurricular activities that leave them tired and exhausted at the end of the day.
So what is this addiction to busyness? “Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness,” says Kreider. “Obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completed booked, in demand ever hour of the day.”
Is that really true? As I get older, I’ve begun to notice for myself that there is actually a feeling of emptiness that has begun to emerge when I’mso busy. It seems to rob me of the daily pleasures of life like having a conversation with one of my kids, laughing with a friend, connecting with my husband, or even throwing the ball for my dogs. I don’t feel as grounded when I’m overly busy and it’s harder to find joy in what is important.
Now, I do love feeling productive and I love accomplishing tasks, meeting goals, and learning new things. But, if the speed of my life is such that I can’t find time for stillness and reflection, for noticing the color of the sky at sunset or the character of the day itself, then I may be missing out on the most important stuff in my own life.
Research now boasts the benefits of being mindful, slowing down, taking time for reflection and renewal. The pay-off is now linked to improved health and well-being, less stress and fatigue, improved brain function and a longer life span.
“The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration, “ notes Kreider. “ It is paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done… History is full of stories of inspirations that come in idle moments and dreams.”
So, what does it take to get out of the busy trap? I’m becoming more and more intrigued with the practice of idleness, or taking my foot off the gas. I also realize that this requires a conscious decision to choose how I spend my time. You might begin by asking these questions: What parts of your life are “still” and “simple”? What parts of your life are too “busy”? What parts of your “busyness” give you pleasure? Which ones don’t? And what parts of your “stillness or “simplicity” give your pleasure? Which ones don’t? In what ways is your life devoted to “busyness?”
At the end of the day, I realize it’s all about what I’m choosing for myself. Will I regret not spending more time working harder and longer? Or will I regret the time I missed with the people I care the most about? For starters, I’ve decided to take the word “busy” out of my vocabulary. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I get to take a look at what I’m choosing. How about you? How are you doing? And what are you choosing for yourself?
--Dawn